I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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