you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
