Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
