The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
