found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
