Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
