I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
