I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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