C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
