i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
