just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
