why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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