I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
