i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
