How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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