a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
