And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
