you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
