I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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