so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
