I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
