grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
