I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
