Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
