Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
