everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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