Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
