I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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