we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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