I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
