i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
