Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
