SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
