both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
