This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
