People in love make me want to vomit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's shark week go big or go home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
