Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize