I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
