doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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