apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
