What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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