U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
