I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
