I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
