My first STD was from a foam party
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
