well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
