my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
