bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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