I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
