my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
