i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
