So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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