dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
