Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
