Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
