DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
