We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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