This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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