perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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