We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The power of my boobs compel you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize