she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
