Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
