WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
