Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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